The Greatest Gift: Self-Kindness in Leadership

We often delve into things like enhanced engagement, disruption, and being person-centric in leadership books, articles, and sessions - all of which are undoubtedly key components of the leadership styles we most naturally respect and follow. As a lifelong learner and leadership junkie, I often dig deep into these topics in my reading and I recently came across a powerful quote in a Harvard Business Review article:

"As we face a world that's more uncertain than ever, we need leaders who look for common humanity with their employees, customers, and stakeholders. We need leaders who connect and uplift others, and this starts by exercising kindness towards yourself."

Compassion toward yourself.

I'm not suggesting this is an earth-shattering concept or that we aren't often reminded that leaders must care for themselves to best take care of others, but I do think there has never been a more critical time to make self-kindness a top priority every day. Many of us continue to hold ourselves to the same expectations and standards in our professional lives as we did pre-COVID-19, despite the blatantly different landscape of our responsibilities and environment. Some of us have no differentiation between work and home as we telework, others put their lives in danger each day they go to work in a health care setting, and many of us juggle full-time work hours while also wearing the hat of teacher's aide to one or more children virtually learning at home. Whatever your unique circumstance, there is no self-kindness in placing pre-COVID-19 expectations on yourself.

We need to cut ourselves some slack.

Think about how you show compassion and understanding for the difficult situation your coworkers, family, or friends are in during this pandemic. We remind them that people understand how stressful this year and circumstances are right now, that there's no normal - and we offer them patience and support in whatever way we can. But for some reason, at least in my experience, our mind is simply not wired to immediately extend that same compassion to ourselves. We have to train our brains to do it.

The authors of the article offer purposeful techniques for grabbing a few minutes between meetings and emails to breathe and mindfully bring self-kindness into the moment. They recommend asking, "How can I be kind to myself right now, as I face this challenge?" and reminding yourself of common humanity - that  you're not alone and others are facing similar challenges. Research on neuroplasticity supports that regularly dedicating time to such practices will in fact train your brain to habitually lean toward self-kindness, which will also kick in when things get tough.

Another great thing about accomplishing this critical shift in mindset is that it makes you a better leader. Self-compassion is the foundation for resilience, which allows you to quickly bounce back from setbacks, refocus on your objective with clarity, and get back to work. This type of resiliency is all but required in every workplace and home life right now.

As we move through the holiday season and continue to navigate through these crazy times, we can all benefit from making self-compassion a priority every day. A lot of thought is put into kindness toward others and lifting others up during this season - this year, let's try to spread a little of that kindness to ourselves.